Time passing

I remember thinking, when my first baby Amelie, was born that I would be sad when she left one stage (snugly newborn, giggly 3 month old, sitting, toddling etc) but in reality I haven’t felt sad, mostly excited about the new things she learns everyday. Then Juliet came along and it was the same, joy at her new discoveries. When Euan was born, I really didn’t have that much time to ponder these things with 3 children to care for.

Euan is now 19 months old and we have arrived at a point where we have decided that there will be no more babies. Now I am in awe of the individuality of each of my three children, and their unique talents but as Euan grows and passes his milestones I feel sad to be leaving the baby days behind.

My salve, for now, is breastfeeding. I can clear out the boxes of baby clothes and paraphernalia, saving a few precious keepsakes for each child, with mild sadness. Breastfeeding gives me a few quiet moments with my otherwise rowdy toddler, when he will cuddle and look into my eyes. Then he is off again, continuing his exploration of the world.

We will keep going as long as we are both happy to continue. I’m hoping we still have a while to go. I’m not ready to let go of the breastfeeding stage yet. It seems that for us, it will be one of the last vestiges of babyhood before boyhood.

Tomorrow

Another post in the "My life is a song title" series

#2 Tomorrow

Tomorrow I go to the neurologist for the results of the MRI from a few weeks back. Until last week I was pretty cool with the waiting, but then the countdown started. Every day has seen me becoming more anxious. And finally... it's only a day away!!

Some of my nearest and dearest will be surprised that I picked this song. They know of my phobia of the musical "Annie", stemming from an unfortunate vocal performance at the Kempsey Eisteddfod circa 1987ish. Maybe it wasn't that bad, but it felt bad, and embarassing. Thankfully there is no video evidence that I know of.

When I started My life is a song title I secretly hoped that it would be a version of High Fidelity. I think this post crushed that dead.

My life is a song title

#1
I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Early this year I visited a neurologist who told me I have "probable MS (multiple sclerosis)". He meant that I had experienced one episode of sclerosis on my optic nerve. That's what this was. He said that it might be 10-15 years before I have another episode, or I might be one of lucky ones who never experience another episode. It's not official MS until there is more than one bout. He recommended 6 monthly MRIs to keep a check on things.

Until a month ago I was sailing along, trying not to dwell on the what if's, although there were moments of worry about what the future would hold. Mostly I feel grateful that MS won't kill me, and that we have time to make decisions and plans.

Then I developed a numb patch of skin on my leg, near my hip, and then lessened sensation down the front of my thigh. I went to the GP who thought we should contact the neurologist. Referred for brain and spine MRIs, which happened on Friday. Now I'm waiting until my appt with the neuro on 1st July for results. Back to waiting again.

I'm in a swirl of emotion. Fear, anxiety, frustration, with occasional joyful moments. I'm also exhausted. Not in a sleepy way, in a heavy can't-do-anything sort of way. It doesn't matter if I sleep 10 hours overnight and have an afternoon nap, I'm still tired. It's depressing.

I have incredibly supportive family and friends. I have been in contact with a friend who has MS - she has been really helpful. I have been a frequent visitor to the MS Society website, which is a great source of reliable information. I have been lurking at MS forums and checking out blogs about living with MS, but those people are at a different place in their journey, and all the reading in the world is not helping me with mine.

So the song title is my life right now. I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Things I know

I love reading Yay for Home, especially the "Things I Know" posts. Here is my attempt.

Things I Know...

Reading is one of life's pleasures.
Watching my children develop their language and reading is amazing.
We have many, many books. Almost too many.
There is no such thing as too many books, we just need inventive storage ideas.
Cold grey Sundays are perfect for veg soup lunches and afternoon naps (for me!).
Shouting "BE QUIET OR YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE" does not work.
The Strawberry Shortcake movie is terrible, but it keeps A & J quiet for a while.

Lentil and Spinach Soup

We've been under the weather here this week. The weather today is cold and windy. I really wanted some yummy soup. I turned to my trusty taste.com.au and searched for spinach soup. I came up with a Lemon, lentil and spinach soup and a Middle Eastern-style lentil & spinach soup. I had some ingredients but not quite all in the fridge and pantry so I mixed the recipes together and the result was delish! So yummy it has inspired me back to the blog after a very long break to record the success. If I don't write it down it will be lost forever.

Megan's Spinach and Lentil Soup

• 1 tbs olive oil
• 1 large brown onion, finely chopped
• 1 carrot, finely chopped
• 2 celery stalks, finely chopped
• 2 potatoes, peeled and cubed
  
• 2L (8 cups) water
• 2 large Massel vegetable stock cubes
• 325g (1 1/2 cups) red split lentils
• 4 cubes frozen chopped spinach
• 1 tbs garam masala

Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes or until soft. Add carrot and celery and cook for about a minute. Throw in the potato and add the water and stock cubes. Increase the heat to high. Bring to the boil.

Add the lentils and stir until well combined. Reduce heat to medium and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes or until the lentils are tender. Add the spinach and cook, stirring, for 3-4 minutes or until the spinach defrosts and just wilts. Add the garam masala and cumin, and stir until well combined. Taste and season with salt and pepper.

We served ours with organic sourdough bread.

Wannabe Soule Mama

For Christmas I gave myself The Creative Family by SouleMama. I love it! I want our family to be allowed to exercise our creativity, and I want us to show gratitude. I have a jumble of ideas going around in my head, things we can do in our family.

The first project was to reorganise the crafty, colouring things so they stay organised and are easy for small people to tidy up, with guidance and nagging of course. I reclaimed a quarter of a cupboard in our dining area and using some cheap plastic food containers sorted the pencils from the textas. I went to work with my trusty labeller so we know where to put things back. We've given the system a couple of workouts and it is easy! Things go back where they should! I wish I had batteries in the camera to document it.

In the process of organising I culled our crayon collection, leaving only some chubbies. I am working on Soule Mama's principle that children only need a few good quality art supplies, the same supplies that the grown-ups use. The assortment of broken mismatched crayons were put aside for our next project.

Yesterday we recycled the old crayons into these. I enlisted my big girls and we set about removing the paper wrappers from the broken crayons, then we sorted them into colours. I put them in a tupperware silicon mould that is mini "booby cakes". I'm not sure of the proper name of the shape but they do indeed look like boobies.

Our first batch was a mixture of colours: yellow and black, like bumblebees and purple and brown, like um... purple and brown? They weren't so great looking so in the next batch we kept to like colours, shades of red, shades of green. They are spectacular.

Anyway, normal service will no doubt be resumed shortly when I'm back at paid work and the craziness of schedules returns.

Love and light

The beginning of my new year is tinged with sadness and worry. Sending love and light to those who need it. We will get through this.

Photo by Kimberlyfaye